A Cry for Help

With my daughter’s permission I am going to share the following story.  I share this story because it has recently come to my attention that many teenagers are fighting similar battles, and your teenager might be one of them too.  For several years I ignored the signs that were right in front of me.  Fortunately for my daughter, I finally took my head out of the sand and took action.

When my daughter was 12-years-old, she began self-injuring.  For those of you who know little or nothing about this, self injury is a negative way of dealing with strong emotions and can include anything that causes bodily harm (cutting, burning, scratching, mutilating, or hitting oneself).   According to Troubled Teen 101, “About 1 out of 5 teenagers say they have purposely injured themselves at some time.   Some of the reasons teens give for self-injuring or self-mutilating include:

• Not knowing how to deal with stress 
• An unresolved history of abuse 
• Low self esteem 
• Feelings of loneliness or fear 
• A need to feel in control 
• Mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder 
• Wanting to get the attention of people who can help them 
• Peer pressure/curiosity

Teen self-injury or self-mutilation is dangerous, especially cutting, leaving physical and emotional scars and sometimes leading to serious injury or death. Though teen self-injury or self-mutilation is not a suicide attempt, some teens who self-injure or self-mutilate also attempt suicide, and many engage in other risky behaviors such as drinking and drug use, or suffer from eating disorders associated with troubled teens” (Troubled Teen 101).

Not a lot of research has been conducted on this topic, so the number of teens actually engaged in this type of behavior is unknown; however, I believe that the number is growing at an alarming rate.

Looking back, the signs were there from the beginning.  I just chose to ignore them.  She wore hoodies all year even in the hot summer claiming two things:  one, she claimed to be cold-natured and two, she claimed to be protecting her skin from the sun.   The hoodies she wore were always too big for her so that she could use the sleeves to cover her hands.  She cut on her hands and on her upper arm.  She also tried burning herself a few times.  It was also about this time that she began dressing differently than she had ever dressed before.  Her clothing became darker and darker, and her hair changed too.  She admits now that she attempted suicide twice during this time period but thought about it often.  She is also an extremely talented poetry writer, and I remember reading a disturbing poem she wrote when she was 14.  When I asked her why she did it, she replied, “I wanted to feel real.  I sometimes felt as though I were invisible, and I just needed to feel pain in order to know that I existed.”

You might be wondering why I didn’t do anything about it with all the signs right under my nose.  For one thing, I had heard of cutting but didn’t really believe that it existed or could exist in my world, and for another thing, I was afraid of how it would “look” to other people.  That denial and self-absorption almost cost me my daughter’s life.  If I had not taken my head out of the sand when I did, she would have successfully taken her life.

If you suspect that your child might be engaging in this type of activity, please don’t ignore those signs and don’t get angry with them.  Anger never helps a situation.  In fact, anger can actually encourage the behavior.  Get professional help for them as this is just a symptom of a larger problem.  Also, avoid playing the “blame game.”  The only thing that matters is your child’s mental health.  Let the professionals sort through that and deal with that.  I will tell you, though, that your child is probably not the only one who will need to seek help.  My husband and I have both had to seek help.

I would be more than happy to discuss with you the things that I did to help my daughter.  You can inbox me on Facebook or you can e-mail me at penny.fell@wcslions.org.  Please, please, please don’t ignore it. 

The change in her is a miracle.  She is happy, healthy, and pursuing her dreams.  Look at the pictures below, and you can see the miracle for yourself.

 Two Months before Seeking Help

Six Months after Seeking Help

If you can't see the miracle, clean your glasses.

Unfortunately, too many times, we let the judgments of others keep us from sharing things that might save a life.  What if the judgments of others didn’t matter?  If I touch just one person with this story, it will be worth it.

Blessings,

Penny

You can find the quoted material along with additional help at the following website:  http://www.troubledteen101.com/articles48.html